When one spouse in a heterosexual marriage reveals he or she is gay, profound emotional, ethical, and practical dilemmas arise for both the couple and the therapist. The couple often struggles with feelings of betrayal and shame, along with a sense of being caught in a bind between anguished love and hopelessness. In this situation, therapists are often too quick to recommend divorce. In this workshop, we'll discuss ways of dealing with the reactivity of the "betrayed" spouse, confronting our own and the couple's homophobia, alleviating the gay spouse's guilt, and helping the couple decide what course is best for them. We'll explore the reasons gays and lesbians marry and how to help the couple move forward without blame or defensiveness. We'll also discuss what "coming out" stages are necessary, both for the couple and for each partner, if there's to be a successful "mixed marriage."